Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The air was thick with penises
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
