did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
