Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
