I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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