he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
