after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
