my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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