I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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