don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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