I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
