Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
