I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?