At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.