i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.