Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.