hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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