Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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