I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
