i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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