If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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