My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.