I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?