I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster