The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
