oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that