What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.