i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He better not be in your backpack
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
