I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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