I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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