My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
