i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
