im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
