Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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