we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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