kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She told me I should be a condom model.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
