Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
