You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
