Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
