No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
