hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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