I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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