I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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