So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
