ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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