what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
