I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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