honey bunches of taint.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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