I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
