does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
