how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
