Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Alive.
So much puke
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize