i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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