that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
