god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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