I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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