just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
