like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
