My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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