woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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