Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
