Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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