I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
