as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
