we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
