she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
