Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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