Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
