That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This girl is more easily done than said...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Randomize
