Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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